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Published in May 2003 in The Post-Star newspaper It’s OK for men to embrace feminine side Commentary Femina (Latin) - Woman Effeminate - Showing qualities attributed to a woman Sissy - An effeminate boy or man; weak; a timid person -- Webster's New World Dictionary May: A time to celebrate mothers. And coincidentally, a time when flower blossoms open and bloom for pollination. Come to think of it, there's no better time of year for all of us to celebrate our feminine qualities. Much as some of us try to disown it, there's a feminine force residing in everyone. John Lennon was one of the early pioneers of embracing his feminine side. He wrapped himself around it so wholeheartedly, most people thought he had lost his mind when he posed tenderly for a portrait with his young son. The title Lennon assigned to the painting was "Madonna and Child." After a lifetime of hard living as a rock star, Lennon discovered the wondrous joys of turning away from the world's social mores, turning instead toward nurturing. John Lennon seems to have been a rare exception. The criticism aimed at the ex-Beatle was not so much about his taking such an active role in raising his child, but rather for his unapologetic identification with femininity. The truth is, for all the progress made toward equality, the years have not been a friend to the polarization of gender roles. It's easy to see why. Femininity has been misunderstood and maligned eons before the days of bra-burning and Ms. magazine hitting the newsstands. If we're willing to be honest, we'll admit that feminine qualities have been given about as much prestige and glory as a legal deformity. Which brings some questions to mind. Why is it still socially acceptable to for men to adopt breathy, silly-sounding falsetto voices as they attempt to imitate a woman? If male and female babies come out of the womb with a natural instinct to cry, why are boys (no sooner then they are toilet trained), given the mandate that they aren't supposed to cry? Women have been wearing pants for decades now and not just the glamorous Donna Karan ensemble varieties but overalls and workboots when they feel like it. On the other hand, unless you're at a bagpipe convention, it's generally pretty difficult to catch a man wearing a skirt. And it's no secret that it's always been far more of a reputation risk for men to make the crossover to duties perceived as womanly than the other way around. In addition to the flack Lennon took when he became a self-proclaimed househusband in the late '70s, there was the ridicule heaped upon men wanting to become registered nurses. The very root of the word nurse is derived from a Latin verb that means "to nourish." It's OK if women want to be a Madonna or a nurse, but don't you wonder why when a man even remotely grasps at his feminine force it's often viewed as shameful or perverted? It doesn't say much about how the feminine in general is regarded. Do you think that because you're not a mother or don't have a uterus or you have enough testosterone in your glands to fuel the next space shuttle launch that you're out of the running to display feminine, even maternal qualities? There have even been documented sightings of little boys (prior to that indispensable phase in life known as socialization) who have shown interest in dolls, holding them close, singing to them, playing with them. And when this natural instinct is urged underground by the well-meaning social police, boys sometimes retain their maternal instincts by channeling them into a teddy bear or stuffed lion or perhaps a Superman action figure. I know a man who looks forward to the sun rising each morning so he can feed squirrels who live nearby. He loves the idea that he is taking care of them by providing nourishment. He also worships the Yankees and loves any movie with Arnold Schwarzenegger in it. And a man who, despite heroic efforts, got teary at the conclusion of "Phantom" last week. It's also a documented fact that men have been known to sing love songs softly when they think no one is listening. I hope they realize that some people want to listen. The truth is, many of you routinely let your feminine side out to play when you think no one (even you) is looking. And it's more than OK.
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