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Published in The Post-Star newspaper 11/23/03 Considering a surgical solution COMMENTARY Looks like Americans across our nation are willing to pay money to see rocker Ann Wilson in concert again. She was out of work for more than a decade, you see; in seclusion was more like it, because of her size. It was large. Way too large for the record companies and music video channels to digest. And despite the fact that the front woman for Heart never lacked for talent, the band all but stopped performing and recording -- until last year -- following Wilson's weight-loss surgery. Now that she's shrunk down to a respectable size, Ann Wilson can face the world again. With bariatric surgery all the rage now, I'm sure there are many out there who relate to Wilson's story. I can relate to it -- the first half anyway. My personal bio differs in that I haven't gone under the knife. It's not that I'd mind being a smaller size. But there's something off-putting about being split open to have my plumbing reconfigured so people will like me better. Let's be honest -- that's the bottom-line reason most people do it. So it's a philosophical objection I have to the procedure more than anything else. Why should an entire segment of the population have to retire to the O.R. just to please another segment of the population? It doesn't say much for society's ability to respect people's differences, does it? Still, people are lining up in droves for bariatric surgery. I've known several and the long-term results have been mixed. Some say they have a new lease on life, others are more miserable than they were pre-surgery. Nearly all have had to process the bittersweet emotions of suddenly being treated like first-class citizens. Then there's the celebrity bandwagon: Sharon Osbourne, Al Roker and Carnie Wilson -- the artist formerly known as "the fat chick" of the singing group Wilson Phillips. Et tu, Roseanne? I'm just glad this craze hadn't skyrocketed while Jackie Gleason was still around. Who was it that said the more intense the punishment, the more intensely the punishment is feared? I think it sums up the difference between getting your hair bleached and straightened to look more like Gwyneth Paltrow and getting your stomach stapled to look more like Gywneth Paltrow. The first two are relatively inexpensive and reversible, the other costs a small fortune and includes some pretty serious risks. What does it say that so many people are clamoring for it? It says that as a whole, we've stopped about 2 inches short of tarring and feathering people of size. Is there anyone else besides me who wants to blow a referee whistle at the top of my lungs and scream "time out?" And please spare me the righteous health arguments. ... I know plenty of people past the age of 75 who are way off the svelte-o-meter. And it's funny how bitter some of the health-related diatribes are. I don't hear even a fraction of such bile directed against smokers or drug users. Hmmm, it might lead you to believe that it's the disdain for appearance that's at the heart of the finger-wagging. Who does Dr. Phil think he's fooling? Any man who made his wife take an oath that she would not gain any postpartum weight is nothing more than an egotistical, shallow cad. I'm not going to whitewash it and say it's purely genetics. I like food the way some people like whisky sours and cigarettes. Unfortunately for me and other food-loving humans, my vice isn't perceived as being nearly as cool as heading over to the pub after work. Ergo, more and more bariatric surgeons are cropping up around the country. Let's just get a grip and remember this very valid truth: that it's not immoral to be fat. And it's not to say I haven't toyed with the surgery idea -- because the scrutiny and criticism can be brutal. You've seen those TV reporters put on fat suits and hit the streets. It's only a matter of hours before they're crying for mercy. In the end, something inexplicable leads me away from the option of a surgeon's knife. I have a feeling it has something to do with an unshakable belief that we shouldn't have to resort to such drastic measures to be worthy of respect.
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