Stop Scrutinizing Yourself and GET Out There!

Posted on November 29, 2016

Women are still trapped under a hyper-critical microscope. Our year-long election slug fest has taught us that, internet trolls demonstrate it daily, and the mail I get from readers sorrowfully reminds me that there is still work to be done. It’s an inside-job, ladies. Surgery, weight loss, and botox won’t set you free. Only a loud and unapologetic declaration that you’re OK with yourself will shove the microscope out of society’s intrusive hand. Yes, even if you’re not flawless, you’re calling the game over. You’ve always been OK and now the world knows it. That became my mantra at 300 pounds and it’s my mantra today. In part because the No. 1 concern I get from clients and readers of my books is from women fearing their happiness will be impaired by loose skin after a weight loss.

 

So, what do you do if you’ve dropped a lot of weight and have some loose skin? Off the top of my head, this comes to mind: GET OUT THERE AND LIVE YOUR FREAKIN’ LIFE! I mean, come on, life is a gift to begin with. And if you have a new lease on it because of releasing a substantial amount of weight, do you really think your primary focus will be on any residual imperfections? For me it wasn’t even a distant concern. When you walk through life at 300 pounds + for 20 years, being free of that physical and emotional burden tends to elevate one into a state of joy and gratitude. Trust me.

 

Out there...and loving it!

Out there…and loving it!

I do understand the concern of loose skin. No one wants it…actively seeks it out. But to be a slave to fearing or loathing it is buying into our society’s manic focus on looking flawless. It has become a toxic fetish. All you have to do is Google ‘plastic surgery disasters’ to see how easily the quest for ‘looking good enough’ can spiral out of control. OK, love handles are lippoed. I guess I look better…but what can I work on next? Ah! a brow lift…followed by cheek implants and lip injections. Yeah, that’s the ticket! Then I’ll be happy.

Please let me save you the thousands of dollars you may be poised to spend (or borrow). If you’re not in possession of some baseline satisfaction with who you are…including how you look, surgery won’t magically wave that malady away. Surgery does nothing to quiet or console the inner critic. That’s your job.

Interesting point: All the loose-skin concerns I get from readers are from women at the start of their journey. They’d actually love to get rid of the weight, but are wondering if loose skin is too high a price to pay. Really? If that’s going to stop your roll before you even start, it’s likely you’re not ready. I’m not judging. Change can be unnerving; to you and those around you. I’ve lived it; I know. Just consider being honest about what might really be holding you back. Never has anyone who has dropped 100 pounds or more groused to me they don’t like their skin. Why? They’re simply too elated with their new life, which includes lots of freedom and energy. It’s far more exhilarating than a perfection that doesn’t exist. Trust me.

 

I Don't Need to Be Forgiven...Do You?

I Don’t Need to Be Forgiven…Do You?

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Taking a Survival Break

Posted on October 21, 2016

This was a tough one to write. It triggered some deep waves of emotion…even now. I share this Truth-Poem with you to illustrate the reality of Hope.  It exists in you – no matter what your current circumstances.

To say I had a lot of de-tangling to do on the emotional and physical levels is a grand understatement. There were many times I wondered if it was even possible. I’ve cleared a great deal of debris out of my life, but it’s always a work in progress. And I cannot underscore enough the importance of unplugging from society’s results-0riented, lightening-fast-paced dogma.  Yeah, we’ll get all our issues cleared up by the end of next month…if not SOONER! I lost track of all the ‘Lucy-holding-the-football-for-Charlie-Brown’ moments I had falling for that load of $%&#.

Relax. Unplug. Start paying attention to who you really are. Give the inner critic the next 15 minutes off. Loving yourself is a decision. You may have to remind yourself of said decision over and over but eventually, it will become more automatic.

Loading Up on Food, Tamping Down on the Anxiety

Loading Up on Food, Tamping Down on the Anxiety

There’s no magic finish line. But the good news is, copious amounts of Self-Love and Patience provide both change and necessary and very healthy coping tools.

 

 

There was major Joy in realizing the bullies and other toxic entities were WRONG about me!

There was major Joy in realizing the bullies and other toxic entities were WRONG about me!

 

 

Lunch Break

Inside my car

Parked in the far right corner of a lot

No one can see me

My ritual, not to escape, but to survive

The steam from the open bag bathes my senses

I grab. I bite. I repeat.

Chewing is a distraction from my desire

To devour.

My eyes fixed anywhere but on me….on the truth I cannot examine.

Excitement and comfort disappear with the last bite.

The bag gets crumpled and tossed.

I turn the ignition key over – sedated enough

To return to the sadness of my life.

Moving forward. One step at a time...

Moving forward. One step at a time…

 

 

 

 

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Ode to the Illusion

Posted on May 26, 2016

Something to consider before that voice in your head wins the debate and convinces you that there is indeed solace to be found in a good old-fashioned round of trance-eating…

The Pillsbury Dough Boy never visited my kitchen

Never meandered onto the counter top to smile, while

Offering up his white, soft belly for a poke.

All I had was a can –

Slammed open for dough that oozed like a snake

Shoved in the oven for my Joy…my sanity

30 minutes later the oven is cold

And I am sticky, sluggish, and empty

The tattered container of cinnamon bun dough

Lies on the counter, uncoiled

Like a used grenade.

The after-effects of denial are undeniable

The after-effects of denial are undeniable

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When Your Cereal Gets Soaked

Posted on April 18, 2016

I LOVE cereal.  It’s a childhood favorite, one of my favorite comforting sweets, and doused with almond milk, it’s a delicious treat. However, carbs and I aren’t exactly simpatico…even the gluten-free variety.  If I had my way, I’d eat cereal everyday, but I don’t. But when the craving arises, I’ve now got a new option. And it’s grain-free. And it’s FABULOUS!

 

 

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Food: Useful, Glorious, and Sometimes…Extremely Necessary

Posted on April 6, 2016

Food.

It might not mean to you when it meant to me for 40 years.

Just a bite?

A neatly contained meal?

Not for me.

Loading Up on Food, Tamping Down on the Anxiety

Loading Up on Food, Tamping Down on the Anxiety

 

It was my sedative, which kept me from raging, and perhaps committing a homicide or two.

Food was my lover, a ready conduit of passion that revved my adrenaline. And distracted me from the reality that, other than plunging my arm into a warm bag of takeout food, my life was devoid of Joy.

Salty carbs and greasy sweets were a shower of unconditional Love when I needed mothering. The perfect accompaniment to a night of television on a lonely Friday evening. And a salve to cement over the vortex of denied feelings that were too overwhelming and intimidating to touch.

For most of my life, Food was the Heart of it all. My motivation to keep going. In some cases, it helped me agree to do it all again tomorrow: the humiliating bus ride to school, toxic work environments, unhappy relationships, listening to society’s bigoted opinions of my body.

Food addiction has long been misunderstood and curiously invokes inappropriate reactions from bystanders. For the record, it’s not an issue that’s solved by shaving someone’s calories in half and having them do 50 minutes of cardio 4 times a week. I tried that…and many, many other remedies American entrepreneurs dreamed up. Oh the luxurious second home in Florida I’d have now if I hadn’t invested.

Here’s the only thing that ever helped: Empahty. Kindness. Non-judgement. Those had to be in place. First from myself, and later from others (as I began to insist) before I could begin the process of honesty and self-inquiry.

Reframing and rebuilding a foundation of worthlessness takes time.

There was major Joy in realizing the bullies and other toxic entities were WRONG about me!

There was major Joy in realizing the bullies and other toxic entities were WRONG about me!

 

So before you send a reproachful thought or look someone’s way as you wait in line for your lunch order or at the checkout line of the grocery store, consider they might be in a dark and compromised place and would benefit from a smile…or at least a silent agreement to not condemn.

Trust me when I say no one really wants to be 345 pounds and trapped both biochemically and emotionally in a cycle of seeking comfort and relief from food. But sometimes, until the awakening takes root, they can’t help it.

 

Viewing the world with welcome clarity

Viewing the world with welcome clarity

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

One of my favorite anthems for Kindness & The Golden Rule…

 

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