A Sweet Epiphany

Posted on May 22, 2017

I think Life was trying to tell me something when I had an epiphany about sugar-free maple syrup last week and then had a serendipitous encounter with one of the best maple syrup facilities in the state. The epiphany: I don’t enjoy eating sugar-free maple syrup and no longer want to do it. And I definitely find the list of ingredients unappealing.

 

Natural, Delicious, Golden-Glory

 

For years, I’ve been ignoring the voice that’s been seeking my attention, the one that lets me know she’s unhappy and wants things to be different. I know the syrup debate seems small on the surface, but it’s a microcosm of the macro:  denying myself pleasure. It’s the chess game I play daily, corralling the binge-eater inside me who doesn’t want any rules, making her sit at the table with the more rational side of me while we negotiate a plan that doesn’t feel like a diet, includes good-tasting foods, covers some nutritional bases, while also ensuring I don’t eat past the point of fullness into a food-coma (America’s No. 1 form of escapism).  Sometimes without knowing it, I can veer too far in one direction and dismiss the ‘I’m unhappy’ signals as the binge-eater wanting to be indulged. I gave it much thought with the maple syrup and realized this is not the case. I simply enjoy the aroma, flavor, and texture of real maple syrup and detest that of sugar-free. It’s my truth. And furthermore…I tend to embrace that which comes from the #earth as a beneficial friend to the body, not a foe. So I decided it was time. Time to let the real back into my life.

 

The flavor and enjoyment are incomparable.

 

This doesn’t align with many of the low-sugar philosophies out there and by no means am I getting back on the white stuff. But when I want a pancake, or a waffle, or some sweetness in my oatmeal, this is what I’m using. And when I’m baking or making homemade chocolate, I’ll be using raw honey. Both have nutritional properties. Both taste delicious. And I’m choosing to take back some pleasure and enjoy it. In moderation. Just wanted to share that. It’s my truth and I hope it helps. There’s no greater gift than being true to yourself. It’s the ultimate #kindness. Meeting adjourned.

 

 

 

The happiness that comes from allowing without judgement.

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The Wild Ride of Life Continues

Posted on March 30, 2017

What a wild ride it’s been. As these photos illustrate, I like food. Who doesn’t? Did I like it more than the average kid? Who knows. It could have been a molotov cocktail of genetics and being born at a time when the fast food age was dawning. Unearthing the origins aren’t as important as what happened: hardcore dieting by age 10. Followed by an infinity wheel of hell that spun me into vertigo. For the next 35 years it would be either deprivation and gluttony. Nothing in the middle.

From Day 1…

And there was nothing out there powerful enough to make it stop.

You’d think the pain of being bullied at school would have been enough. Or having to sneak into the boy’s department of Sears to buy my clothes. Or gaining back 100 pounds after uncountable consecutive Weight Watcher meetings. Or stepping on the scale and buckling with shock as I look down and see the red arrow point to 305.

You would think one of these would sufficiently entice reformation.

But the truth is, there’s not enough motivation in the world, negative or positive, to change the behavioral blueprint of someone who targets food with the determination of a missile seeking the nearest heated object.

What do we do with that primal desire implanted in all of us to seek pleasure and avoid pain? Mother Nature’s most foolproof survival skill has become an Achilles heel in the age of instant gratification, whether it’s credit cards, cocaine, or crème de menthe brownies.

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Black Bean and Beef Chili

Posted on March 5, 2017

Black Bean and Beef Chili

 

Gone are the days when I’d airdrop white appendages of sour cream onto a bowl of chili. And if it wasn’t sour cream, I’d rain down full fists of shredded cheese, enough to create an inch-deep puddle of orange melted cheddar. I’m not arguing with the flavor factor of adding such dairy accessories chili, I just didn’t feel particularly vital afterwards and anyone who knows my life story knows…eating this way (and it was a way of life) got me to 345 pounds.

Wake-up calls like being on one’s way to 400 pounds tend to shake things up a little. I knew change was in order and on the horizon. I knew I would never go on another diet again. And I knew it was crucial to both enact some boundaries while retaining a baseline minimal sense of freedom. Feeling confined and punished doesn’t bode well for one’s dignity. So instead, I began examining food choices. This was done through research, common sense, listening to my body, and reaching out to others who experienced long-term success in transforming their habits and keeping weight off.

If you think’s it’s an absolute kill-joy move to eat chili without sour cream or melted cheese, you’re entitled to that. But don’t say it with conviction until you’ve tried a cleaner rendition. Sure I’d love to slather my chili with sour cream, but I’d like to maintain my weight and keep my energy levels high. I love that I feel satisfied and not sluggish after a bowl of this. And I’m no avoider of fat. To the contrary! I just make sure it’s good fat that aides in keeping my body humming. One of my favorite additions, besides a squirt of Siracha, is a colorful collage of avocado slices on top. So much more photogenic and graceful than dairy…and so yummy!

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We are here to SHINE!

Posted on January 25, 2017

When I left binge-eating and the 345 pounds that went with it behind, so many people in my life were happy for me. Some were elated. Like me, they never thought they’d see the day that I was able to divest myself of the albatross of addiction, excess weight, and all that goes with it, including low self-esteem. While it’s a normal reaction for those close to me to be thrilled for my new life, I sensed unease in others.

Sad but true, some close friends and a few sundry acquaintances weren’t as over the moon as I about my new look and new life. It became a comfortable role for some, the ‘fat best friend’ with no romantic life to speak of…who’d go along for the ride and listen to all the scintillating details of her friends’ romantic adventures. So when the tables turned, guess what? So did heads…towards me. I went from being invisible to being noticed, in a way I never had before.  It was a strange feeling to me…and apparently to others.

This is the paradox of transformation. Even when it’s for the better, it is unsettling. For all parties. It’s a change. In my case, the change was tantamount to a death. The person I was in 2009 and prior no longer exists. She’s gone. And there’s consequence to that. Those that miss her have distanced themselves from the modern version of me.  I can’t say this didn’t leave me smarting and confused. But I was clear on one thing. No one, through manipulation, withdrawing their love, or via veiled digs will ever EVER budge me from where I am now: A Woman who is fully OK with her strengths, gifts, and beauty and am grateful to let them shine.

Who remembers the iconic scene in “The Sound of Music” when the wily baroness deftly slips Maria a crippling Mickey in the form of shaming her for catching Captain Von Trapp’s eye? Both actresses are outstanding and play out the psychological dynamics of their characters flawlessly. If there’s a baroness in your life…have a chat with her, or fire her as a friend. Go ahead, you’ll be fine. Just don’t let her or anyone put you in a corner. It’s about shining brightly, my friends.

Pssst…it’s what we’re here for! Pass it on….

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Knowing When To Back-Burner

Posted on December 20, 2016

“Never put off until tomorrow what you can do today.” – Benjamin Franklin.  

 

It’s one of my favorite and most practiced quotes, and I credit Ben Franklin for helping cultivate a sense of discipline which has taken me far. There are days when I feel the pull of putting off a task until the next day. The majority of the time, it’s nothing more than my knee-jerk first response to make things ‘easier’ on myself. Trust a veteran procrastinator. Putting off what needs to be done has never made my life easier. Not only do I accrue more unwanted borrowed time, my ‘to-do’ list multiplies in a most unappealing way. But since discipline and rigidity are two entirely different things, let’s be clear: Sometimes, back-burnering, prioritizing, and taking a time-out is extremely necessary. Who decides that? YOU do. It all falls under the umbrella of getting to know yourself, listening to your body, and trusting its wisdom without apology.

sleep

With a way of life that includes clean eating, DDPYOGA and other forms of working out and staying fit, I pride myself on full and vibrant energy reserves that I never possessed back in my binge-eating days. The gift of my lifestyle means I get a lot done in any given day. But on those occasions when I’m undeniably physically tired, achy, mentally drained, or emotionally beleaguered, pressing on in the face of fatigue or the aches of an encroaching cold simply makes no sense. Sometimes, the perpetual act of doing needs to be back-burnered.

Right?!

Right?!

 

If it’s not an urgent or time-sensitive task, I postpone, and take my body up on its benevolent invitation to do nothing for a while. Never regretted it. Remember, our bodies are infallibly wise. If yours is telling you to take a breather, DO it. Give yourself permission, and don’t seek it from others. Ask for help if needed, then shut the world away (your own version of it) and recharge.

Find your own way to say 'Do Not Disturb' and follow through...

Find your own way to say ‘Do Not Disturb’ and follow through…

 

Wishing you all a Blessed Solstice, Happy Hanukkah, Merry Christmas, Jubilant Kwanzaa, and a Happy, Healthy 2017!

 

Sometimes, I recharge while still upright...there are no rules!

Sometimes, I recharge while still upright…there are no rules!

 

...there 'ain't nothin' like a BATH!

…there ‘ain’t nothin’ like a BATH!

 

Quiet coffee breaks work wonders too...

Quiet coffee breaks work wonders too…

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